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The alarm goes off at 4:00 am. Eyes slowly blink to awareness. Wide yawns welcome another day. Yet instead of the usual rising that eases me out of bed, there’s a familiar pain–a heaviness that arrests me to immobility.
Deep breaths offer no relief. Rather, they only confirm the grip of weight that aggressively shoots across my back.
On Sunday I danced in my sports bra, leggings and heels.
I guess I should start by saying I’m on a dance team. A ladies SALSA dance team with some BADASS Bitches!!! Let’s not forget to mention I am the oldest member of the dance team in my WELL seasoned, RIPE like a PEACH ripe, age of 43. I won’t leave out that I am the mother of 1 and a possible teenagers not for sympathy or pity because MY BODY is BEAUTIFUL…
I spent a number of years “collecting data” on how to live. Figuring most things out by trial and error. Making my way the best way I knew how...barely. As I started to get more deliberate about my healing journey and try new things, processes and techniques began to show up and many have proven to be effective in bringing forth clarity and optimizing healing.
She is a 30 (something) y/o AA female. She enjoys working out, going to concerts, live sporting events, and spending time with friends including happy hours, brunches, dinner, traveling and girls’ trips. She considers herself well rounded but doesn’t necessarily have a hobby nor is she really clear about what she does that gives her life. She likes to read but isn’t always able to make time for it…
I don’t think I’ve ever been in a relationship where I could exhale. Honestly both in and out of love, I think I’ve spent the better of my life holding my breath. Waiting for the next not so great thing to happen. Expecting the worst and perhaps preparing for it in my expectation of it...being human. Cultivating through every perceived rejection, disappointment and abuse the resiliency of a rubber band, the tenacity of a sponge. Especially in love...
