Mantra: Forgiveness is a process and a practice. Though it sounds a bit cliche. What I’ve found is that oftentimes the very things that I’ve thought I’d forgiven find their way back to me. Old wounds and outdated feelings. Unresolved pain. The shards and shrapnel from hard fought battles returning to haunt me. No matter how much avoiding and denying I do, they persist. Beckoning to be heard, yearning to be set free.
While I can’t be 100% certain as to why this is, I do believe that there is a difference between coping and healing. What I’ve found to be true is that coping is the temporary fix to the permanent solution of healing. That typically the things that come up repeatedly are the very things we are being called to forgive in order that we may heal.
Unfortunately, many of our hurts and wounds are equivalent to elephants in scale. Some of which are so large and heavy that attempting to address them at once would cause a great deal of stress and be virtually impossible to do. If we in fact ate elephants, the way to eat them would be a bite at a time. Hence the idea of forgiveness over time.
There are several effective strategies and techniques that can be used to assist in the process of forgiveness. Here are three of my favorites. (Due to size, this post was broken up into two parts).
1. H’OPONO’PONO
H’opono’pono continues to be a go to of mine for work with forgiveness. Both effective for addressing issues on the surface and those residing deeper, H’opono’pono acts as a sort of internal cleanser and like other forgiveness techniques places the responsibility of healing solely on the part of the seeker.
H’opono’pono is a 4-line Hawaiian prayer that uses the forces of repentance, forgiveness, gratitude and love to bring forth healing and change. While the order of which may not matter, the process I use states in order: I Love You, I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You. I have two primary ways I use H’opono’pono and regardless of which method I use, I will typically do it daily. Sometimes I will say the 4 lines for different people and myself, for example: Jamila- I love You, I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You. Jill- I love You, I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You. Kevin- I love You, I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You, etc. Other times when I’m looking to go deeper, I recite multiple reasons why I love myself, why I’m sorry, why I forgive myself and why I’m thankful for myself. I do this same thing for at least one specific person I’m doing forgiveness work with.
While seemingly simple, H’opono’pono has the power to cause you to look closely at the why’s of love, self-love, forgiveness and gratitude. It looks at the universal principle of love and the high vibrating feeling of gratitude. It bridges differences internally and reminds us of our intrinsic oneness.
H’opono’pono alone and alongside other techniques has been a practice that has caused me to focus on healing through a practice of forgiving myself and others. Today forgiveness is a part of my daily wellness routine and I continue to learn ways to expand upon and add to my existing practice. Through the practice of forgiveness, I’ve been able to heal and love myself better.
What do you need to forgive?
To learn more about the concept of H’opono’pono, check out this video that features Dr. Hew Len.