Self-Compassion is a component of working in the field of Social Work that isn’t discussed as much as it should be. Self-Compassion is something that can’t be taught in a classroom. It is something that is learned along the journey of gaining experience in the field. Individuals in the field of Social Work, as well as other fields, have to have a special gift to be able to do the work that we do. Our jobs aren't easy, yet they can be rewarding in the end. Before a person gains self-compassion, they usually experience the negative side of the field. Social Work is a career path that can cause burnout however, you have to be able to view the overall outlook in situations. 

“A word after a word after a word is power.” Margaret Atwood tells us. “You cannot build joy on a feeling of self-loathing.” teaches Ram Dass. “The words you speak become the house you live in.” writes the poet Hafiz. All three offer the wisdom that how we speak to and about ourselves influences the ways we show up in the world and engage with others. Language helps us to make meaning of our experiences. When the stories we tell about ourselves are full of demeaning, unkind, and unsympathetic words and phrases, it increases our stress levels, makes it more difficult for us to be kind and compassionate to others, and over time, significantly decreases our motivation to actually make positive changes in our lives (Neff, 2011). 

We all encounter uncomfortable spaces, personal and professional challenges, and emotionally shattering situations that stretch the limits of who we are, where we’re going, what we look like afterward. Even with perseverance, the positive self-image, and self-talk that once characterized our being may be distorted or nonexistent. As we begin to put the pieces of ourselves back into place, self-compassion is necessary to accept our present selves and transition to the person we desire to be. How can we begin to show ourselves compassion both consistently and effectively? How does this practice establish the foundation for healthy, caring relationships with others in our world? 

“Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.” – Christopher Germer

What does this image bring you? Beginner's Mind? Curiosity? Non-Judgement? Self Acceptance? Peace? Good. Notice your body. Notice your breathing. Greater Mindfulness is the intention. Today I invite you to a 5 min Anger de-escalation exercise. Close your eyes. Today I want you to take yourself to an upsetting situation where you did not feel safe.

Self Compassion is recognizing when we’re stressed or struggling without being judgemental or over-reading. Everyone has hurdles in life, and our day to day activities can bring along stress and anxiety that we sometimes blame ourselves for. Being supportive and understanding towards ourselves when we are having a hard time, rather than being harshly self critical can help our self esteem long term. By remembering that everyone makes mistakes and experiences difficulties, we realize that we are not alone and that there is room for everyone to grow.

Ever heard of the poem by Rumi, “The Guest House?” It metaphorically gives a symbolic view of life’s journey and the circumstances of life that a human can encounter. I remember the first time I heard this poem. It was in 2018 and I was sitting in a chair, circled with my classmates at the ending session in my MBSR certificate program. Out of all the poems and meditations I listened to, this one struck me most. It speaks to the mindfulness principle of acceptance, accepted of the unexpected visitor in life: “A Joy, A Depression, A Meanness, The Dark Thought, The Shame, The Malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in,” states Rumi. In a culture of America, where emotions equate to sensitivity or weakness, we can find ourselves not welcoming difficult emotions and circumstances in life, and suppressing and reacting in a form of distress. 

“Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.”

― J.K. Rowling

British psychologist John Bowlby was the first attachment theorist. He described attachment as a "lasting psychological connectedness between human beings." Bowlby was interested in understanding the anxiety and distress that children experience when separated from their primary caregivers (Cherry, 2023).

Women’s health and mental wellness are hot topics in United States politics and media. It seems foreign to discuss women’s health and mental wellness in government spaces, but with the recent formulation of harmful policies, such as abortion bans and black maternal death rates finally being acknowledged, it can be often depressing to be a woman or a new mom of color in our country, as we know it today. Women’s health is at risk, but more specifically black women’s physical health and mental health as it relates to childrearing is at a substantially higher risk. In this blog, I will discuss postpartum depression amongst black women and how often it is underdiagnosed, inequitable healthcare access to receive quality care, and the overall mistrust of Western medicine. 

Low self-esteem/self-worth is a manifestation of the lack of acceptance or rejection of oneself. Unfortunately, I have been all too familiar with this concept, and it is an area in that I continue performing soul work within. Recently, I experienced an epiphany regarding acceptance in my own life around acceptance that I would like to share with the reader. 

Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) women’s mental health is rarely discussed and is a significant part of their well-being. Maintaining mental health is a vital part of AAPI women’s dignity. It is essential to recognize that cultural, legal, language and economic barriers disrupt their autonomy and how they function with their family and community.

Many of us either have or will, unfortunately, experience unhealthy partnerships in our lifetimes. Research studies have showcased that 33% of young adults are likely to experience an abusive or unhealthy relationship (Davis, 2008), and up to 80% of individuals nationwide ultimately encounter emotional abuse in a personal relationship (Carney & Barner, 2012). Unhealthy connections cannot only lead to serious short and long-term complications physically (I.e., heart disease, headaches, eating disorders), mentally (i.e., anxiety, depression), and emotionally (i.e., low self-esteem, self-worth, social withdrawal) but show up in multiple arenas amongst friends, family, coworkers, bosses, and romantic couples.

“We are all implicated when we allow other people to be mistreated. An absence of compassion can corrupt the decency of a community, a state, a nation.” - Bryan Stevenson 
What do you think of when you hear the words “social justice?” In short, social justice is an ideology, mostly political, in which the goal is for individuals to fulfill society equally in many forms of distribution.

Acceptance is a topic that is often discussed in the mental wellness world but there are different concepts of acceptance. In psychology, acceptance generally means accepting present time thoughts and feelings. This means that we need to learn to accept our emotions and feelings and sit in those emotions and feelings instead of brushing them off. This may sound confusing or counterintuitive to a happy life but learning to accept yourself exactly where you are in each moment has positive outcomes. Learning not to be too hard on yourself for experiencing negative emotions in certain situations can be hard but it is an important skill. It is equally important to accept in the present moment how you feel emotionally or about a certain situation but then allow yourself to move forward.

Roughly half of American children will experience parental divorce, and about 25% will experience one or both parents' second marriages. Co-parenting after divorce can be challenging when there are hurt feelings and stressors related to custody and finances. It is important to remain supportive through the process; this can look like 1-advocating for the best interest of your child(ren), 2-sharing child care, 3-managing child conflict, and 4-being supportive towards each other as parents. Being successful in co-parenting requires respect, negotiation, compassion, and validation from each.

I have always had a hard time making friends. I have never really felt like I fit in, and as a child, I was forced to grow up and be an adult–which made things a bit difficult when it came to hanging out with other kids in the same age group. Even now, a month away from my 25th birthday, I can count my friends (that aren’t family, either by blood or marriage) on one hand. To be even more specific, they aren’t the super close friends I talk to every day–one of them I only talk to every few months, another I only am really “friends” with because our sons are friends, and the last one I talk to every few weeks or so. Why am I like this? Sure, it’s partly because of my childhood and my shyness, but another reason I’m like this is because of friendship wounds. Just like in a romantic relationship, when something happens that negatively affects you, you carry it with you into future relationships. It isn’t any different with friendships. Wounds from prior friendships can create an atmosphere where it is harder for us to make new friends, no matter how old we are. 

Acceptance of Self 

Becoming a Social Worker requires a special level of compassion, humility, and integrity. Working in this field can bring issues that have been suppressed to the forefront. Working with individuals can bring upon memories of past experiences that may have caused trauma. Being able to remove yourself is a skill that is learned through experience. There have been times where I have felt as if I wasn’t worthy enough to work with certain populations. To add on, there have been many times where I felt like I failed, because I wasn’t able to save someone, they weren’t able to be serviced, or they weren’t ready to make the change. Through it all, I had to learn to accept that I always give my all with every client. Understanding and accepting that no story will be a success story has been a breakthrough in my career. I no longer allow the bad to outweigh the good. Learning to accept that I am great at what I do in this field is more than enough gratification for me.

Past Is Prologue: Learning to Understand Generational Trauma

Growing up as a Jew, I was introduced to the idea of generational trauma long before I ever heard the term or really understood what it meant. From a relatively young age, I was educated about the unimaginable horrors of the Holocaust. I knew our ancestors had been subjected to oppression for millennia, but the Holocaust—that was a cataclysmic event my parents’ and grandparents’ generation had witnessed. This collective trauma—what Jews call the Shoah, the Hebrew word for “catastrophe”—was something we all carried, and we were taught that our vigilance was the price we paid to live out the promise of two simple words: “Never again.”

When I was 19, I met a girl through a mutual friend. She was funny, exuded confidence, and said and did whatever she wanted to. She and I were both tentative with each other. We circled cautiously but eventually found ourselves laughing hysterically at the same things. This would be the beginning of an almost 30-year friendship. This friendship would sometimes be tumultuous, yet it is the most loyal relationship I've ever had—the longest outside of my family. Our relationship even surpassed my marriage. However, there have been hurtful moments along the way. Some were petty, some we were not sure we'd recover from, some we had to take breaks from each other, and some brought us closer than we ever thought we could be. For lack of a better description, she is my "ride or die" because of the honesty and painful confrontations our friendship has gone through. 

If I asked you, “what have you inherited from your family?” A few different ideas might come to mind: maybe your curly hair, your complexion, your knack for reading people, that stubborn streak, or your sense of humor, and on and on. We also know there’s other stuff you can’t see: maybe diabetes runs in your family, or high blood pressure, or other medical issues. However, there’s something else that can be inherited too: trauma. 

Acceptance is one of those words that can have positive and negative connotations based on its context. When I think about acceptance, I come up against questions that I’ve wrestled with myself and witnessed my clients wrangle in therapy sessions. Is acceptance the same thing as forgiveness?

“Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.” – Christopher Germer

Be kind. It is a simple concept and one that many people try to live by. We often try to extend kindness to others and to treat other people with respect, but why is it so hard to be kind to ourselves? I have often been described as a kind person.

“A word after a word after a word is power.” Margaret Atwood tells us. “You cannot build joy on a feeling of self-loathing.” teaches Ram Dass. “The words you speak become the house you live in.” writes the poet Hafiz. All three offer the wisdom that how we speak to and about ourselves influences the ways we show up in the world and engage with others. Language helps us to make meaning of our experiences.

“Remaining silent about family pain is rarely an effective strategy for healing it. The suffering will surface again at a later time, often expressing in the fears or symptoms of a later generation.” - Mark Wolynn 

This quote hurts and cuts deep. Reading it makes me want to spill every single word about my own experiences with generational trauma I hold inside of me, healed and unhealed, on this page. I’m not here to do that. I’m here to share resources that show it is possible to break the cycle of generational trauma. I’m here to show, with personal experience, that it is possible to break the cycle of generational trauma. Briefly, generational trauma is trauma that has been transferred from one generation to another. These traumatic events can shape and impact the way that generations to come understand, cope, and heal.