What are Attachment Styles and How do They Impact us?

Attachment styles refer to how people think about and behave in relationships. Someone with secure attachment believes their close relationships are trustworthy, whereas someone with insecure attachment tends to distrust or worry about their bond with others (TherapistAid, 2023). Attachment styles are a part of our everyday life in our relationships. They begin with our childhood and our attachments to our parents. These attachments shape our understanding of how healthy and unhealthy relationships come to be. Furthermore, it shapes us as individuals and how we interact in relationships once we are adults. As we become adults, we tend to keep the good things we learned from our childhood but unintentionally keep bad things as well. This takes growth and maturity to be able to differentiate between the two and sometimes the lines can become blurred. 

An individual who has a secure attachment when they engage in a healthy relationship with good intimacy, communication, and autonomy. If an individual has a secure attachment they trust their partner, communicate their needs well, and find the relationship fulfilling. Insecure attachment has three different areas of how they can be insecure within a relationship. The first is anxious. An individual that is anxious about their attachments worries about their partner’s availability and commitment. Often feels incomplete without their partner and may seek excessive reassurance or struggle with jealousy ( TherapistAid, 2023). Secondly, an individual that has an avoidant attachment can come across as aloof and emotionally detached. Tends to avoid intimacy, vulnerability, and commitment, often spending time away from their partner (TherapistAid, 2023). Lastly, anxious-avoidant individuals alternate between anxious and avoidant attachment. Simultaneously desires and distrust intimacy with their partner, resulting in contradictory, inconsistent behavior (TherapistAid, 2023). All of these attachments could be attributed to one’s self-esteem and childhood experiences. As a therapist, I like to explain these kinds of attachment styles to my clients to help them conceptualize their own relationships in their life. I have found it to be super helpful and allows my clients to identify their own insecurities and securities in romantic and friendships. 

I would suggest to other therapists working with individuals that are having relationship issues to use these attachment styles as a framework to provide to them.