Loss is a natural part of life. It is also natural to experience grief when processing loss. Grief is something that everyone will experience, and that many find difficult to process. “Everyone reacts differently to death and employs personal coping mechanisms for grief. Research shows that most people can recover from loss on their own through the passage of time if they have social support and healthy habits (American Psychological Association, 2020).” I had never experienced grief until last year’s passing of my grandmother. She was the first close relative I had ever loss. She was the glue to my family, a wise leader, as well as my best friend. My grandmother was ninety-five years old, and though my family and I knew her life was coming to an end, it did not make the grieving process any easier. I experienced so many emotions: sadness, frustration, happiness, as well as a feeling of emptiness. Research has shown that, “grief is the natural reaction to loss. Grief is both a universal and a personal experience,” (Mayo Clinic, 2016).

I am typically a very emotional and empathetic person; however, following her passing, I could not cry or feel anything. I felt numb to all emotions. I tried distracting myself from my thoughts, focusing on other family member and their well-being, as well as throwing myself into my work in order to “avoid” my feelings. My way of initially “dealing” with grief was to avoid it. I was not ready to think about my grandmother not being here to call or not being able to see her on her birthday. Though that was the reality, I did not want to acknowledge it. However, after about a week, I began to feel an abundance of sadness. I remember sitting in bed and beginning to cry. I could not stop myself from crying. I cried for about forty-five minutes straight. This is when I discovered that I must begin to process my grief. I could see that avoiding my feelings was not healthy and I had to try something different. I was glad that I had a supportive family that checked on me, brought me food when I didn’t want to eat, as well as prayed for a peace of mind.

As I continued to process my grief, I found myself becoming frustrated and angry. I was angry that she was gone. I was angry that I could never hear her voice again or that I would never be able to surprise her for her birthday. Again, I found that this coping mechanism was not healthy for me, so I began to research ways to cope with grief. I learned that this feeling will not last forever. Grief is a temporary feeling. Though there is no exact time frame for when we will stop grieving, it is certain that these feelings will go away or decrease in severity. One thing that really helped me process my emotions was to incorporate mindfulness and mediation into my day. Through mindfulness, I was able to ground myself into the moment and calm my mind when experiencing numerous overwhelming feelings and emotions.

Lastly, I remember feeling a since of happiness. As previously stated, my grandmother was ninety-five years old, and at the end of her life she experienced many health difficulties. She suffered while trying to “hold on” for herself and her family. I had to learn and understand that once she passed, she was no longer suffering. She was now peaceful and because of that I was happy. I began to feel a sense of peace and though I will always miss her, I am now okay with knowing she is gone.

References
https://www.apa.org/topics/grief
https://www.mayoclinic.org/patient-visitor-guide/support-groups/what-is-grief