Has a family member or friend ever said to you: “You have to learn how to love yourself first before somebody else can love you.” It’s easy for our friends, family members, and even famous influencers to encourage and promote self-love, but how many of them actually took the time to explain what that is or what it even consists of?
How do you define self-love?
The Brain & Behavior Research Foundation (2020) defined it as: taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Sounds a lot like self-love right? So how do we distinguish it? Self-care means taking care of your wellbeing both physically and mentally. Self-love means being kind to yourself.
As Jason Connell once said, “You are the singular most important person in your world.” Therefore, “treat yourself like someone worthy of love, respect, and compassion, and your life will flow more effortlessly, abundantly, and joyfully than you can imagine.” (Connell, 2016). Unfortunately, not a lot of people put effort into themselves to better “their relationship with themselves” (Connell, 2016). Most people put effort into themselves to please others. However, if we fully loved ourselves, nobody’s opinion of us would matter.
So how do we begin the journey of self-love?
There’s not one specific guideline for teaching individuals how to love themselves because everybody’s path is different. Therefore, it is up to you to discover which path is yours. Most of the actions that you can take to begin your journey towards self-love are pretty common. However, as we go through these list of actions that you can practice created by Jessie Hays, only choose to practice the ones that excite you. Trust your emotions! If it doesn’t grab your attention then it might not be part of your path.
Start each day by telling yourself something really positive. How well you have handled a situation, how lovely you look today. Anything that will make you smile.
Move that gorgeous body of yours every single day and learn to love the skin you’re in. You can’t hate your way into loving yourself.
Don’t believe everything you think. There is an inner critic inside of us trying to keep us small and safe. The downside is this also stops us from living.
Stop the comparisons. There is no one on this plant like you, so you cannot fairly compare yourself to someone else. The only person you should compare yourself to is you.
Celebrate your wins no matter how big or small. Pat yourself on the back and be proud of what you achieved.
Follow your passion. You know that thing that gets you so excited but scares you at the same time? The thing you really want to do but have convinced yourself it won’t work? You should go do that!
Be patient but persistent. Self-love is ever evolving. It’s something that needs to be practiced daily but can take a lifetime to master. So be kind and support yourself through the hard times.
Forgive yourself. You know that thing you did one time (or maybe a few times) that made you feel bad, embarrassed, ashamed? It’s time to let go. You can’t change the things you have done in the past, but you can control your future. Look at it as a learning experience and believe in your ability to change.
Give up the need for approval from others. “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” – Dita Von Teese
Be realistic. There is no person on this earth that is happy every single moment of every single day. You know why? Because we are all human. We make mistakes, we feel emotions (good and bad) and this is OK. Allow yourself to be human.
Find your happy place. Where’s the one place you feel totally at ease, calm, happy, positive, high on life? Go to that place when you are going through hard times, or imagine yourself being there. Think about how it feels, what it smells like, what it looks like.
Have fun! Get out there and do the things that light your fire. Enjoy them, enjoy being you and enjoy your incredible life.
These are just 12 out of 30 actions that Jessie Hays from Life Hack suggested that you can practice to begin your path to self-love. If any of these actions interest you, remember to be gentle with yourself when starting. It can be challenging sometimes, but remember it takes time.
As someone unknown once quoted, “Your greatest responsibility is to love yourself and to know you are enough.” How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.
Resources:
https://jasonconnell.co/love_yourself/
https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/30-ways-practice-self-love-and-good-yourself.html