Nashville Emotional Wellness (NEW) Counseling

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Self-Love How to Facilitate and Hold Space for the Process of Reparenting

By: Baylie Spring

Reparenting is when an adult works to meet their own emotional or physical needs that went unmet in childhood. These needs may include affection, security, routines and structure, emotional regulation, and compassion (Jodi Clarke, 2022). This is a relatively new concept to me as an individual, therapist, and social worker. However, I do believe individuals do this daily and in therapeutic sessions in an attempt to heal from their unmet childhood needs. Furthermore, I have seen this process with my own clients in sessions. Inner child work is an approach to recognizing and healing childhood trauma. It identifies that our behaviors as an adult stem from our childhood experiences. Inner child work focuses on addressing our unmet needs by reparenting ourselves (Allaya Cooks Campbell, 2023). I do not have personal experience with either one of these concepts but I have experienced individuals that actively participate in both terms. The difference between the two terms is one is the actionable effort to fill the void an individual might feel from their childhood versus the acknowledgment of the childhood trauma. Both are equally important but can be exhausting. The exhaustion can come from the active chase of yearning for an aspect of your childhood that you wish you had or running from the aspect of your childhood that you did receive. 

While working with clients that may be experiencing both, as therapists it is our role to ask what aspect is essential for them. Once they are able to name what is most important to them, then they are able to work through the childhood trauma and begin to heal. Furthermore, our childhood experiences make us who we are in our adulthood. By asking our clients it can start a hard, uncomfortable conversation about how our childhood can shape us as individuals positively or negatively. For example, if one did not get affirmed enough in their childhood, they may struggle to provide that for themselves or others in their life. This enlightenment period can be disheartening and triggering for clients, so it is important you have created a safe space for the client to express themselves and provide some validation for the feelings they may have. Being able to work through your inner child and childhood trauma is essential to becoming a better version of oneself.