What is Self-Compassion?

Self Compassion is recognizing when we’re stressed or struggling without being judgemental or over-reading. Everyone has hurdles in life, and our day to day activities can bring along stress and anxiety that we sometimes blame ourselves for. Being supportive and understanding towards ourselves when we are having a hard time, rather than being harshly self critical can help our self esteem long term. By remembering that everyone makes mistakes and experiences difficulties, we realize that we are not alone and that there is room for everyone to grow.

My Experience with Self-Compassion:

Throughout my entire life, I have been a perfectionist in every area and I am very hard on myself when I make mistakes. At the end of last year I had a conflict with someone who was very close to me and it led to the dissolution of our relationship. I took this expired relationship as me being a failure and I experienced extreme self-pity and loathing for about two months following the conflict. With the help of therapy and intense research on self-compassion, I was able to move forward from that conflict and find freedom. I was not bound to that mistake, nor did it define me. I began to learn about mindfulness, humility, and self-kindness which is the hallmark of what self-compassion is. 

How to Achieve Self Compassion?

Step 1: Practice Forgiveness

Stop punishing yourself for your mistakes. Accept that you are not perfect and be gentle with yourself when you are confronted with your shortcomings.

Step 2: Employ a Growth Mindset

When you find you are criticizing yourself and negatively comparing yourself with others, try to find inspiration in their successes and strengths instead of feeling threatened. 

Step 3: Express Gratitude

Feeling gratitude is very powerful (Emmons & McCullough, 2003). Rather than wishing for what we do not have, there is strength in appreciating what we do have, right now

Step 4: Be Mindful

Mindfulness has been found to have a positive impact on self-compassion, as it has a tendency to lessen self-judgment (Kabat-Zinn, 2003). Strive to always be in the moment and to be aware of what is happening right now, without judgment and labeling.

“If your compassion does not include yourself it is incomplete” – Buddha

References:

Emmons, R. A. & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well‐being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84, 377–389

Kabat-Zinn J. (2003). Mindfulness-based interventions in context: past, present, and future. Clin. Psychol. 10 144–156.