We all encounter uncomfortable spaces, personal and professional challenges, and emotionally shattering situations that stretch the limits of who we are, where we’re going, what we look like afterward. Even with perseverance, the positive self-image, and self-talk that once characterized our being may be distorted or nonexistent. As we begin to put the pieces of ourselves back into place, self-compassion is necessary to accept our present selves and transition to the person we desire to be. How can we begin to show ourselves compassion both consistently and effectively? How does this practice establish the foundation for healthy, caring relationships with others in our world? 

For me personally, the practice of self-compassion has frequently been overshadowed by the pursuit of perfection. In the past, I have routinely set unusually high expectations for myself although ambitious lacked components of the SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timely) system. Instead, these standards usually created or led to havoc, stress, and anxiety instead of a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. Within these situations, self-compassion would mean recognizing and establishing boundaries around my own limitations, structuring goals that are realistically achieved, and allowing myself to be a human. Human beings are complex creatures that thrive when they are given the chance to explore and embrace their potential without the fear of measuring up to perfection. The pursuit of perfection also causes us to reject good qualities about ourselves as we or our qualities will never be perfect. Self-compassion directs me and others like me to a greater sense of understanding and awareness about our flaws and that they do not define us people (Abrams, 2017).

Being compassionate to ourselves has a large amount to do with the way we care for ourselves. Do we provide ourselves kindness, acceptance, and gratitude in times of happiness and disappointment? How do speak and treat ourselves when we miss the mark? Perhaps we fail an assignment or end a long-term relationship abruptly. One way to practice self-compassion is to ask ourselves if a friend happened to find themselves in a similar situation how we would respond to them. Often when our family or friends encounter trying times or stressful circumstances, we want to provide a safe space for them to be authentic concerning their feelings, and sympathize, affirm, and encourage them to continue their journeys with the insight, and wisdom gained from each negative experience. We must know that we deserve a similar experience and be committed to its provision. 

Some alternate ways to practice self-compassion include the addition of self-awareness in the form of meditation, mindfulness, and positive affirmations. Meditation enables us to quiet our inner selves and focus on something that directs our centermost self by relaxing both the mind and body simultaneously. Mindfulness is the ability to be fully present and aware of our environment, while increasing sensitivity to our well-being and those around us. The practice of mindfulness serves to reduce stress while increasing focus on overall performance. Positive affirmations encourage and offer a means of silencing critical inner talk that feeds our biggest fears and doubts. Then replace the negative talk to reframe conversations to a positive context (Soflau & David, 2017). When we practice these simple steps we are not only honoring ourselves but placing a high value on our inherent worth, value and right to be adequately cared for.