Low self-esteem/self-worth is a manifestation of the lack of acceptance or rejection of oneself. Unfortunately, I have been all too familiar with this concept, and it is an area in that I continue performing soul work within. Recently, I experienced an epiphany regarding acceptance in my own life around acceptance that I would like to share with the reader. 

With the pandemic and online classes, it is completely normal and expected to chat by video through Zoom, Microsoft Teams, or another online platform. Although I have frequently utilized these forms of communication, each meeting has produced a large degree of internal consternation and anguish for me. Pondering and repeatedly assessing from whence my struggles in this capacity originate, I finally arrived at the opinion that the internal chaos I feel is directly correlated with viewing my own reflection while communicating. Ironically, I understand that it’s possible to hide your self-view/image from most platforms, nevertheless, I have made a conscious decision to leave it primarily to delve into my own hesitancy and anxiety around this issue. 

Understanding that my internal affliction was related to viewing my own reflection, I began to dig even deeper to understand what about my self-image was so troubling to me; realizing that I have never completely accepted myself, my imperfections, my facial features, or even my own skin color. Rejecting the very image and being of myself has been a continual theme most of my life. Only now I couldn’t quickly move past a mirror never truly looking to see the person in front of me. Now, at each meeting, I must meet her every time – someone, I never truly learned to like or love perfectly and completely. 

My thoughts consistently reverberated with unceasing echoes, “Who is this person in the mirror, on my zoom video? Can I love her? Accept her? Can she ever be enough for me? Is she worthy of my acceptance? Even with initial consternation and the need to revisit this internal conversation repeatedly, I have arrived at a resounding ‘Yes’. The person in the mirror is exactly who I have been waiting for. She must be my standard. There is no need to compare her with others, disregarding her strengths while placing others on an unattainable pedestal. My mistakes, failings, imperfections, and attempts to become the best version of myself warrant self-compassion, acceptance and perfect love. For me, I know that this cannot be a one-time epiphany but an intricate journey of soul work that will provide healing, wholeness and freedom in a way that I have never known before. 

A large part of self-acceptance is performing this soul work. For me, it is listening to honor and follow my inner voice’s wisdom, direction and needs. Trust what I hear completely to boldly make choices and changes I deem necessary in life. Then, accepting the things, I cannot change about my past decisions and forgive the person who made them. Lastly, I am committed to establishing and achieving small and measurable goals in the areas where I struggle the most whether through affirmations, public speaking, speaking softly and kindly to myself throughout the day, and building robust intentional connections with those around me.