The prospect of reparenting or performing inner child work can most definitely be a daunting task. How can we know if this will benefit us? Where do we start? How can we know when this work is complete? I can personally attest to my own small scale usage of this powerful intervention strategy. What are some guidelines and expectations required for a successful implementation? What are some benefits and challenges to performing inner child work?  

Reparenting our inner child involves shining a spotlight on the unmet needs and traumas experienced in childhood later as an adult. In this process, inner wounds are assessed to provide healing and emotional wholeness. It is beholding and providing love, acceptance, and compassion to your inner child today in an authentic way that was missing or largely absent in childhood. Oftentimes, when emotional needs and healthy coping mechanisms are not attended to and developed in childhood it can lead to vicious cycles of negative emotions such as anxiety, fear, depression, and anger that can seemingly exert limitless control over an individual’s unique stress response system. 

A starting point could be asking yourself in earnest exactly ‘how was your childhood?’ Of course, no one’s experience is filled with idealistic images, picket white fences, perfect parents, siblings, and the supporting cast of characters. We all had some adverse experiences growing up which are understandable and perhaps expected. For me personally, there could never be an assertion that I had a wonderful or even ideal childhood but can say that I haven’t fully realized the fear, despair, rejection, shame, neglect, and abuse that afflicted my inner child. Though these adverse circumstances were perpetrated decades ago the residue from them remains etched in my consciousness, heart, and self-perceptions like a ball and chain refusing to release a prisoner who struggles daily, painfully yearning to break free, yearning to be better, do better and become a better version of herself. 

Some tips or guidelines to beginning this powerful work are to seek out a therapist or clinician who you connect with and who is experienced working with clients to guide you through unearthing those deep places and crevices of your being that may be tempted to revert from such an uncomfortable inner dialogue or process. Affirm, then bestow kindness and compassion on your inner child. Imagine your inner child as another small child that you want to build a relationship with. There first must be a connection and trust established to receive any sincere and lasting benefits of the potential relationship. 

Delve into what you learned and did not learn as a child and whether either serves you in a positive way. You may have learned harsh self-criticism, unkindness, fear, self-doubt, or that you don’t measure up, aren’t enough, or meet society’s expectations. Or you may need to acquire some skills that can assist you in the connection and communication in relationships in an authentic manner. Be sure to assess what you need and what can help you become the person that the full actualized individual you aspire to be. 

Practice mindfulness and self-care to connect to your inner child and recognize negative emotions and physical ailments that you may not have had the capacity or agency to adequately attend to in childhood. Self-care allows an individual the same privilege of providing comfort and care by first examining their needs, then developing a routine that places those needs at the forefront whether it be meditation, physical exercise, music, aromatherapy, dancing, or another hobby that you enjoy. 

The benefits of performing inner child work are consistent with assessing and meeting needs that were unmet in childhood, improving your inner awareness, self-worth, and self-esteem. Other benefits are increasing your ability to communicate openly and honestly regarding your needs and expectations in a relationship, building self-compassion, radical acceptance, self-love, and the capacity to pass down these amazing traits and provide stability to the loved ones in your life. 

Reference

Applegate, D. (n.d.). Reparenting Your Inner Child: What Does It Mean? How Do We Do It?

Rediscovering Sacredness. https://rediscoveringsacredness.com/reparenting-your-inner-child-what-does-it-mean-how-do-we-do-it/