Many of us either have or will, unfortunately, experience unhealthy partnerships in our lifetimes. Research studies have showcased that 33% of young adults are likely to experience an abusive or unhealthy relationship (Davis, 2008), and up to 80% of individuals nationwide ultimately encounter emotional abuse in a personal relationship (Carney & Barner, 2012). Unhealthy connections cannot only lead to serious short and long-term complications physically (I.e., heart disease, headaches, eating disorders), mentally (i.e., anxiety, depression), and emotionally (i.e., low self-esteem, self-worth, social withdrawal) but show up in multiple arenas amongst friends, family, coworkers, bosses, and romantic couples.

Having personally experienced a long-term unhealthy relationship where abuse was the everyday norm alongside unmet emotional needs, I can certainly attest that there is the distinct and long-lasting residue of trauma that accompanies and outlives this type of relationship. All too real are the memories and feelings of being lost, empty, and decimated. Where laughter and joy were once abundantly present, depression, anxiety, and emotional anguish became constant companions. In the end, only a shell remained of the optimistic, fun-loving, and carefree person I once knew. Questions that continually echoed in my consciousness were ‘Where do I go from here?’, Are healing and wholeness possible? How do I start the process of rebuilding my life or simply unearthing my former self?’ These are questions that I believe that anyone that experiences an unhealthy or abusive relationship begins to formulate. In my experience, though time and commitment are necessary to process unhealthy connections there is most definitely a path that points toward healing and wholeness.

As we begin the healing journey one of the primary tools that should be acquired is beginning the practice of loving and caring for oneself, establishing boundaries, and speaking with grace and compassion to our innermost being. Loving and caring for ourselves involves prioritizing those things that make us feel like the best version of ourselves physically, emotionally, and mentally.  

To encourage physical well-being, we should eat balanced meals and structure consistent meal times ensuring blood sugar level regulation and a higher propensity for mindful eating. Regular intermittent exercise not only provides a physical challenge but supports weight management, energy, and releases hormones to improve the overall immune system.

Deep breathing, mindfulness, and meditation are all means of mental self-care. Deep breathing can reduce anxiety and stress by creating rhythmic movements, regulating the nervous system, and causing a relaxed state. It also lowers the heart rate and pulse, which can lead to decreased blood pressure. 

Mindfulness utilizes the awareness of bodily sensations including feelings, emotions, and environment to diminish stress and improve resiliency while complete acceptance and unconditional positive regard for oneself are also necessary. While meditation can be used to sit quietly, focus on our breathing, calming nerves, and anxious thoughts. 

Emotional wellness can be prioritized by cultivating a new hobby and accessing your social support networks. New hobbies provide opportunities for self-expression and help develop individual creative talents that reenergize and reinvigorate the soul. Your support system is also vital to your overall being. They are present to hear your concerns, provide advice, counsel, friendship, etc. A healthy support system may consist of family, friends, therapists, personal coaches, spiritual leaders, as well. 

As we begin to showcase self-care and love, it is imperative to establish boundaries and assertiveness in interactions with others to protect and nurture ourselves. Examining our physical, emotional, and social desires consistently, committing to self-advocacy, and opening ourselves up to receive support when necessary are components of boundary setting. Assertiveness is communicating respectfully in a way that honors your individual needs and those of others, articulating and prioritizing your own needs.

Lastly, upon speaking to ourselves with kindness allowing affirming words to enter and reverberate in our minds, hearts, and soul the positive images of who we once were become ever clearer, billowing into unyielding hope and confidence regarding what lies ahead. Thereafter comes the self-assurance that healing and wholeness are indeed possible.

References

Carney MM, Barner JR. Prevalence of partner abuse: Rates of emotional abuse and control. Partner Abuse. 2012;3(3):286–335.

Davis, Antoinette, MPH. 2008. Interpersonal and Physical Dating Violence among Teens. The National Council on Crime and Delinquency Focus. Available at http://www.nccd-crc.org/nccd/pubs/2008_focus_teen_dating_violence.pdf

Mandriota, M. (2021). How to Heal After an Abusive Relationship. PsychCentral. Retrieved from How to Heal After an Abusive Relationship: 7 Tips | Psych Central