I felt this uncomfortable sensation in my body. I found myself striving yet resisting at the same time. The resistance I felt internally was my body actively trying to pull back from that striving. That resistance was my authenticity. At that moment, I was around people who were not a part of my tribe, and it was very hard for me to relate to them. I felt my primitive brain trying to strive to fit in for survival. Exclusion can feel like a survival level threat, and the pain from that experience can feel physical — so of course my body was fighting to avoid that pain. I then checked in with my body, and I felt myself needing a good talk with someone who I felt who got what I was experiencing. I needed some advice. I needed someone to help remove the discomfort. The more I sat with the emotion, I recognized I needed to connect with myself. No one would know how to interpret my feelings in that moment better than me. What was that anxious feeling trying to express to me? I then reached into my Resilience Toolkit and pulled out the Insight Timer app from my phone. Upon scrolling, I noticed the track, “The Power of Inclusion and Authenticity” by Lynn Fraser Stillpoint. Within 5 mins, I felt my body take a deep breath. My body felt understood.

Stillpoint (2021), describes several different elements that can produce the response I’ve described in my experience above. Some of elements include: Survival Mechanisms, Trauma and Traumatic Memories, Shame of being yourself, and ways you can recognize how you may be trading authenticity for attachment. Symptoms of this trade of authenticity for attachment could be shallow breathing, disengaging from others around you and freezing. She describes the polyvagal response nervous system, and how the nervous system brings our unhealed past into the present. The body never forgets but can be reparented. We are always more reactive when we have more unhealed trauma from the past. Shame can be a reason why we feel the symptoms of exclusion. We all desire inclusion on some level or another as a human being. We are wired for connection.

Join me on YouTube this week, as I share my takeaways in working with clients and personal experience with the categories mentioned above. I will also expound on solutions such as Body Scanning, Compassion, and the app, Insight Timer. We will end the week in journal reflection of the following questions:

1. Note an event where you felt exclusion. Define How, When, Why, Where, and What

2. Ask yourself, “When not telling my truth, what does it feel like in my body?”

3. Remember a time when you were more subjected to peer influence. Consider your teenage years. If you can bring yourself forward at that age, what would your relationship be with that version of yourself? What would you say to yourself now as a healthy adult, or healthier adult?

4. Ask yourself, “Am I shaming myself for going along to get along?”

5. Reflect: Is it more important for you to be authentic or to fit in to be attached?

Let me be the first to congratulate you in taking the first step to acknowledge Shame, and how you can be one step closer to living authentically.

May you live with ease. May you be happy. May you be free from pain.

Jaimie