By: Cameisha Mallory

Have you ever told yourself, “I love you?” Do you cater to your needs and happiness?  Do you appreciate yourself and make decisions that will positively support your growth and development? If so, you are experiencing self-love. According to the Brain and Behavior Foundation (2020), “Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth.” It is important that we learn how to love ourselves. For some individuals, self-love is difficult to acquire and maintain. In a society that praises “Instagram models,” being thin, as well as having the “perfect complexion” people may struggle with this concept. Self-love is not only about how you feel about your outer appearance, but it also deals with prioritizing your happiness and not settling for less than you deserve. 

“Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness,” (Brain and Behavior Foundation, 2020). During these difficult times we are facing, we must prioritize our happiness and ensure that our mental health is in a heathy state. As a plus size women, I have had difficulties with self-love. There have been times where I did not love myself, and due the lack of self-love I had, I placed myself in situations and relationships that were negatively affecting my physical, mental, and emotional health. I had to learn that, “Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve,” (Brain and Behavior Foundation, 2020). It is oaky to demand respect and stand up for yourself if you are being mistreated. If a situation you are facing is causing a decrease in your self-love or self-esteem, it may be time to reassess your surroundings. 

A lack of self-love can cause many issues with one’s mental health. For instance, “living with low self-esteem can harm your mental health and lead to problems such as depression and anxiety. You may also develop unhelpful habits, such as smoking and drinking too much, as a way of coping,” (NHS, 2020). Lacking self-love could make an individual loose interest in enjoyable activities, decrease socialization, as well as make it hard for us to identify people and situations that may harm us. 

One way to boost your self-love would be to face the negative thoughts you may have, and begin to change them to more positive thoughts. For instance, starting your day with positive affirmations can begin to increase one’s self-esteem and provide a positive foundation for our day. In order for change to occur, we must first identify the negative thinking we have towards ourself. Another way to increase self-love would be to ‘Build positive relationships.” When lacking self-love, it is important to surround yourself with individuals that promote positivity and that may motivate you to keep going during the hard times. Equally important to increasing one’s self-love is to be kind to yourself. For example: form a self-care plan, take yourself out on a date, or get to know yourself better. Lastly, if you are in need of assistance with building self-love, speak to a professional. Research has shown that, “psychological therapies like counseling or cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help,” ( NHS, 2020). 

References

https://www.bbrfoundation.org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/raising-low-self-esteem/